So V is in a GREAT mood this morning. Slept really well and late, woke up playing, that kind of morning that should be engraved in one's heart and mind and memory for all time. After playing with a musical card she got for Valentine's day that made her giggle like mad, she asked for "more" (her word for nursing) and crawled into my lap. I expected she would nurse for two seconds and be off and running. What I did not expect was for her to latch on, but start tickling my belly and giggling. So I started to giggle, so she laughed harder and tickled more, and I laughed harder until tears were running down my face and she buried her head in my ribs and belly laughed. She's the only person in the entire world allowed to tickle me, and I want to start every day like this...<3
The next time she hopped into my lap for "MORE!" today, she pointed to the other breast and said "it's a boobie!" I had to ask her again what she said (because she was talking around the nipple she was using) and she popped off and said "BOOBIE!"
All my work to try and avoid her using that word defeated by the men in my life. "Bobbing for boobies" has been my father's response to her rooting since day one. And even my husband refers to her "num-nums" as boobies. Oh well.
Friday, March 11, 2011
The things I've been writing lately...
On March 9th a horrific article was published in the NY Times regarding the gang rape of an 11-year-old girl. This article clearly blamed the victim and her family for the rape and inspired me to write two letters. The first to Mr. McKinley who wrote the article, and the second to the Public Editor of the NY Times. I've posted each of these letters below...
Dear Mr. Mckinley,
I have just finished reading your article entitled "Vicious Assault Shakes Texas Town" and I have been inspired to write to you due to my deep disappointment and visceral disgust in the way the story was handled.
I would like to believe that you stated so little about the victim other than her age, gender, clothing/makeup and associates in an effort to protect her identity. However, in publishing the comments about her appearance, and that she "dressed older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s" you have subtly painted her as somehow complicit in her own assault. By quoting individuals who are more concerned about the boys who will "have to live with this the rest of their lives" you have made the rapists the victims. The victim in this situation is the child who was raped. This is a gang act of pedophilia and these men and teenagers chose to participate or not report these assaults on a child. Also the whereabouts of her mother are irrelevant. The child, and her mother, are not to be blamed for what happened here. It is writing such as this that has allowed a pervasive rape culture in our country to make it difficult and sometimes impossible for women to protect themselves or go to authorities to report assault without immediately becoming suspects in their own rapes. And that is for grown women, this is an 11-year-old child!
I want you to re-read your article with the eyes of that girl, her family and her friends. Shame Mr. Mckinley, you have victimized that little girl again with your words.
Sincerely,
I have just finished reading your article entitled "Vicious Assault Shakes Texas Town" and I have been inspired to write to you due to my deep disappointment and visceral disgust in the way the story was handled.
I would like to believe that you stated so little about the victim other than her age, gender, clothing/makeup and associates in an effort to protect her identity. However, in publishing the comments about her appearance, and that she "dressed older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s" you have subtly painted her as somehow complicit in her own assault. By quoting individuals who are more concerned about the boys who will "have to live with this the rest of their lives" you have made the rapists the victims. The victim in this situation is the child who was raped. This is a gang act of pedophilia and these men and teenagers chose to participate or not report these assaults on a child. Also the whereabouts of her mother are irrelevant. The child, and her mother, are not to be blamed for what happened here. It is writing such as this that has allowed a pervasive rape culture in our country to make it difficult and sometimes impossible for women to protect themselves or go to authorities to report assault without immediately becoming suspects in their own rapes. And that is for grown women, this is an 11-year-old child!
I want you to re-read your article with the eyes of that girl, her family and her friends. Shame Mr. Mckinley, you have victimized that little girl again with your words.
Sincerely,
*signature*
And here is the letter to the Public Editor:
Dear Mr. Brisbane,
I am writing to you in response to the article "Vicious Assault Shakes Texas Town" by James C. McKinley Jr. I have also written directly to Mr. McKinley.
I am sure you are aware of the nature of the article in that an 11-year-old child was brutally raped by numerous teenagers and adults in a Texas neighborhood. That this occurred at all is tragic and understandably would devastate any community. However, in reading Mr. McKinley's article, it is not the vicious assault on the child that appears to be the tragedy, but the effect it will have on her attackers. Comments such as, "if the allegations are proved, how could their young men have been drawn into such an act?" and “These boys have to live with this the rest of their lives.” make the rapists the victims and the little girl the cause of their downfall. By describing the child as "dressed older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s" he implies that she somehow is complicit in her own assault. The townspeople quoted are rallying around "their" boys and accusing the victim and Mr. McKinley is continuing that inappropriate attitude with his choice of quotes and comments.
This is an 11-year-old child who has been brutally, viciously, repeatedly raped by numerous teenagers and boys who chose to assault her. They are not the victims, she is. I am appalled that this article was published as it was. I implored Mr. McKinley to re-read the article through the victim's eyes, and the eyes of her family and friends because he has victimized her all over again.
I am disgusted on behalf of that poor child, and rape victims everywhere who are blamed for the crimes against them. This article has perpetrated the rape culture that allows men and boys to assault women and children and get away with it while their victims are made suspects. It is very difficult for a grown woman to report her own rape for fear she will be investigated as complicit in the crimes against herself, how must this child and her family feel as she is repeatedly assaulted, first with rape, now with words.
Sincerely,
I am writing to you in response to the article "Vicious Assault Shakes Texas Town" by James C. McKinley Jr. I have also written directly to Mr. McKinley.
I am sure you are aware of the nature of the article in that an 11-year-old child was brutally raped by numerous teenagers and adults in a Texas neighborhood. That this occurred at all is tragic and understandably would devastate any community. However, in reading Mr. McKinley's article, it is not the vicious assault on the child that appears to be the tragedy, but the effect it will have on her attackers. Comments such as, "if the allegations are proved, how could their young men have been drawn into such an act?" and “These boys have to live with this the rest of their lives.” make the rapists the victims and the little girl the cause of their downfall. By describing the child as "dressed older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s" he implies that she somehow is complicit in her own assault. The townspeople quoted are rallying around "their" boys and accusing the victim and Mr. McKinley is continuing that inappropriate attitude with his choice of quotes and comments.
This is an 11-year-old child who has been brutally, viciously, repeatedly raped by numerous teenagers and boys who chose to assault her. They are not the victims, she is. I am appalled that this article was published as it was. I implored Mr. McKinley to re-read the article through the victim's eyes, and the eyes of her family and friends because he has victimized her all over again.
I am disgusted on behalf of that poor child, and rape victims everywhere who are blamed for the crimes against them. This article has perpetrated the rape culture that allows men and boys to assault women and children and get away with it while their victims are made suspects. It is very difficult for a grown woman to report her own rape for fear she will be investigated as complicit in the crimes against herself, how must this child and her family feel as she is repeatedly assaulted, first with rape, now with words.
Sincerely,
*signature*
I have not received any response from either Mr. McKinley or Mr. Brisbane and do not expect to as they have denied that there is anything wrong with the way this article was published. This case is keeping me up at night and inspiring me to hold and cuddle V even more than usual (if that is at all possible). I hope and pray to all the powers that may or not be that when she grows up, this world is safer for her than it is for girls and women right now.
Writing, but not here, or in my journal, so does it count?
I've been writing a lot the last few days. I wrote letters to the Public Editor of the NY Times, as well as one of that paper's authors. I have written comments on other blog posts. I have long lists of comments on facebook... The question I ask myself is, do these count if im not blogging in my own space or maintaining the journal I write to V? And I have to say, probably not. I absolutely have to work harder at writing, and drawing and painting and feeding my artistic self as much as I feed my daughter. Especially since I am likely going back to work outside the home in an industry I don't really feel passionately about. More on that later. In the mean time, i am debating changing the name of this space, yet again, to try and reflect all of me and better inspire me to keep up with it. Wish me luck.
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Sunday, January 30, 2011
Even SAHMs get sick
So once again V and I have caught a cold. I've lost track of how many this is this winter. She generally recovers quite quickly and this last time I didn't even notice that she was sick, as opposed to teething or in a growth spurt, for several days. Then I got sick.
I can handle a lot of things with grace, a cold is must definitely not one of them. At 3:30 am this morning I wanted to throw a temper tantrum. I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom in my parents' house because we have been staying with them since last week, trying not to vomit, and missing my husband who is at home with the cats. This is not a comfortable place to be. Eventually I got my stomach under control and rejoined V, but I never really slept.
I wonder why, as a body modification and ritual fan, I can withstand seven and a half hours of tattooing in one sitting, two hours of a flesh pull, one hour of a superwoman suspension, and 6" by 6" electrocautery brand, but a cold makes me want to whine and stamp my feet and be miserable? In short, become a toddler?
My mom brought home cold symptom easing bath salts (not the kind that people are using to get high) and offered to let me take a hot bath while she makes the beet risotto for dinner. I grated the beets since her hands cant be pink for work. ;) What a treat, a bath without the baby. Hopefully it will help.
In the meantime im hoping this virus burns out quickly and I can move on to being intermitently miserable for other reasons.
I can handle a lot of things with grace, a cold is must definitely not one of them. At 3:30 am this morning I wanted to throw a temper tantrum. I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom in my parents' house because we have been staying with them since last week, trying not to vomit, and missing my husband who is at home with the cats. This is not a comfortable place to be. Eventually I got my stomach under control and rejoined V, but I never really slept.
I wonder why, as a body modification and ritual fan, I can withstand seven and a half hours of tattooing in one sitting, two hours of a flesh pull, one hour of a superwoman suspension, and 6" by 6" electrocautery brand, but a cold makes me want to whine and stamp my feet and be miserable? In short, become a toddler?
My mom brought home cold symptom easing bath salts (not the kind that people are using to get high) and offered to let me take a hot bath while she makes the beet risotto for dinner. I grated the beets since her hands cant be pink for work. ;) What a treat, a bath without the baby. Hopefully it will help.
In the meantime im hoping this virus burns out quickly and I can move on to being intermitently miserable for other reasons.
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Friday, January 28, 2011
middle of the night ramblings
If you have read this blog at all, and I doubt anyone has, you know that this has been a tumultuous year. Foreclosure, V turned 1, HAMP, relationship issues, cats dead and rehomed... It has been a wild ride. In all of this mess, my husband, who I love and who drives me absolutely crazy, worked tirelessly to try and make "it work." He badgered the mortgage company daily so they wouldn't misshandle our modification application, he was nothing but delightful with V, he tried (and succeeded) to "win me back." He held me when we euthanised my baby goddess Luna Moth in the kitchen one week after V's first birthday. Today all his hard work and diligence was recognized by my parents and that, more than any of the financial help they have given us, eases the burden. I am great at holding grudges, and terrible at showing gratitude, but we truly could not have survived this time without our parents. I'm sending my gratitude out to the universe hoping that it seeds more good things to come our way. I have applied, insanely, for a full time file clerk position in a medical office. Human medicine, not veterinary. Hubby has been waiting to find out if he is getting either of two promotions he applied for at Target, while he continues to pound the pavement and poke around cyberspace looking for other options.
Wish us luck and help urge the universe to give us a break. We would love to catch up and be the family I know we can become. Maybe send a better employment opportunity toward either of us. I have started a pet sitting business, if that could take off, that would be perfect. I don't ask for much. ;)
Wish us luck and help urge the universe to give us a break. We would love to catch up and be the family I know we can become. Maybe send a better employment opportunity toward either of us. I have started a pet sitting business, if that could take off, that would be perfect. I don't ask for much. ;)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Things I love Thursday, how the times flies
How did I go almost two months without posting ANYTHING on this blog? What kind of writer am I? Oh yeah, the kind that doesn't.
The entire northeast/mid atlantic region is currently blanketed with over a foot of snow. V and I are ensconced at my parents' house where we are supposed to be meeting, along with my husband, later today to receive much needed help while the hubby and I are in the middle of our mortgage trial period. What do I love right now? Having family that extends a hand when you need it, doesn't hold grudges (even though I do too often), and rewards good attempts.
V is almost 18-months-old. Almost 1 1/2 years. She is almost 32" tall, almost 30lbs. Almost out of reach. I know that last statement was somewhat fatalistic. It astonishes me how fast the time, as short as it really is, has flown. I blink and she learns a new word, either verbal or sign. I wake up in the morning and she has grown. The last 18 months, year and a half, have been the hardest I have ever lived through. I have had more stress, more fear, more tears, more sleepless nights than in the last 35 years of my life. And yet, the joys, the very simple joys of a morning baby kiss, the "pat pat pat" of her little hand on my shoulder when I pick her up, or her insistance on taking my hands and having me dance with her when she likes a song, these will break my heart with their sweetness and perfection. I hope she never knows the fear we have felt, the insecurity. I hope for her that she always feels and knows the dept of our love. I wish I could protect her from the bumps and bruises of life and people. I wish she could keep this sweetness for ever.
The entire northeast/mid atlantic region is currently blanketed with over a foot of snow. V and I are ensconced at my parents' house where we are supposed to be meeting, along with my husband, later today to receive much needed help while the hubby and I are in the middle of our mortgage trial period. What do I love right now? Having family that extends a hand when you need it, doesn't hold grudges (even though I do too often), and rewards good attempts.
V is almost 18-months-old. Almost 1 1/2 years. She is almost 32" tall, almost 30lbs. Almost out of reach. I know that last statement was somewhat fatalistic. It astonishes me how fast the time, as short as it really is, has flown. I blink and she learns a new word, either verbal or sign. I wake up in the morning and she has grown. The last 18 months, year and a half, have been the hardest I have ever lived through. I have had more stress, more fear, more tears, more sleepless nights than in the last 35 years of my life. And yet, the joys, the very simple joys of a morning baby kiss, the "pat pat pat" of her little hand on my shoulder when I pick her up, or her insistance on taking my hands and having me dance with her when she likes a song, these will break my heart with their sweetness and perfection. I hope she never knows the fear we have felt, the insecurity. I hope for her that she always feels and knows the dept of our love. I wish I could protect her from the bumps and bruises of life and people. I wish she could keep this sweetness for ever.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Things I Love Thursday
It has been too long since I have posted at all, much less a TILT post, so here goes...
Sleep: I love sleep. I know it is a not very productive way to spend one's time, but darnit I have always loved sleep. As the mother of a 15-month-old one would think sleep is the most elusive of pursuits, but I'm blessed that she seems to like sleep almost as much as I do. And since she sleeps with me, I barely need to wake up if she needs anything during the night. I still don't sleep well, and haven't for a long time, which is probably one of the reasons I love it so much, but yesterday there were multiple naps after a late morning, and it was delightful.
Herbal tea: I drink most beverages, but when I need comforting, I will reach for a cup of Organic Mother's Milk Tea
or Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea
. Either can make me feel immensily better almost immediately. There is something so nurturing about the soothing herbs and light flavours, without the harshness of caffeine or sugar that just makes everything better. Recently V and I had a terrible cold and I lived on tea while we were recovering.
I wish I had more to write today, but I'm tired and need to get a baby ready for the day. More next time.
Sleep: I love sleep. I know it is a not very productive way to spend one's time, but darnit I have always loved sleep. As the mother of a 15-month-old one would think sleep is the most elusive of pursuits, but I'm blessed that she seems to like sleep almost as much as I do. And since she sleeps with me, I barely need to wake up if she needs anything during the night. I still don't sleep well, and haven't for a long time, which is probably one of the reasons I love it so much, but yesterday there were multiple naps after a late morning, and it was delightful.
Herbal tea: I drink most beverages, but when I need comforting, I will reach for a cup of Organic Mother's Milk Tea
or Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea. Either can make me feel immensily better almost immediately. There is something so nurturing about the soothing herbs and light flavours, without the harshness of caffeine or sugar that just makes everything better. Recently V and I had a terrible cold and I lived on tea while we were recovering. I wish I had more to write today, but I'm tired and need to get a baby ready for the day. More next time.
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