I should really get V up since it is edging toward 11:00AM, but I just can't right yet. I managed to clean and start the pellet stove, make coffee, vacuum the living room, feed the cats and take my allergy medication, and that's about it. I had applied for the perfect job last week and have not heard anything since Thursday night after what seemed like promising email responses. Part of the application was friending a dog on Facebook and I'm afraid something on my personal page offended the potential employer. I would like to think that is not the case, but I'm so desperate for a job that enables me to utilize my parents as child care, and continue to be V's primary care-giver, that I over analyze everything. I had also applied for a very intensive office manager position at a local college, and have heard nothing from them either.
Had another night of almost no sleep until the hours between 5:00AM and 9:00AM. I look like a sloth to the rest of the world I'm sure, until you factor in my insomnia. And I should be feeling better about our situation. A friend will likely be moving into our guest room by this summer, which will help in so many ways. But in the mean time we are once again falling further and further behind.
I'm overwhelmed by my personal stress and the anxiety of the bigger world. As a woman and mother I am constantly feeling attacked by the ultra-conservative anti-woman, anti-choice, anti-minority government and abandoned by the politicians for whom I voted.
The world is in chaos and I feel as though I have absolutely no safe space to find solace.
So I donated a can of cat food to the very pregnant stray that wanders through our yard because she's going to need the extra calories very soon. I won't feed her again for months. And I'm having my coffee which doesn't help, but at least it warms me. And soon my baby will be up and wanting cuddles and to watch her sign language dvds and play with her toys and her kitties. And the day will go on in spite of me.
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