Frustrated, Tired, and Silly

I need to get a job.  It is no secret that Hubby and I are, and have been, in serious financial difficulty.  I have been applying off an on for over a year and keeping an eye on the job postings at CareerBuilder.com looking for anything in my field(s) that is part-time and not too taxing.  I want to use the bulk of my brain power in taking care of V.

I had a really wonderful and heartening interview last week at a local wireless retailer.  I felt very strongly that I was going to be offered the position.

I have called the store five times, left two messages for the manager and have received no response.  I guess I'm to believe I will not be offered the position.

On top of a whole lot of other stresses in my life, this rejection without the decency to actually tell me that I was not what they wanted (after I was clearly told I was exactly what they wanted) sent me into a bit of a tailspin.  I always teeter on the edge of depression and keep my claws dug into sanity, but I couldn't hold on anymore for a few days this week.  I stopped painting, I couldn't figure out what to cook for dinner, and I went on a crazy scrubbing spree on the kitchen (okay that's not a bad thing).  I also couldn't write or clearly express my depression at how this turned out.  I am 35-years-old and have been out of the job force for a little over a year and a half.  And I'm a mother.  A mother of a toddler.  I'm not an engineer or mechanical professional, my degree is a BA.  In this economic environment I am almost unhireable.  Even my mother, who does hire people, admits that mothers of young children are discriminated against all the time. 

I revise my resume at least weekly and have it saved to CareerBuilder.com and weed through the scams that get sent to my email almost daily.  I make my searches and applications when I can in between diaper changes, colouring, baths, playing with blocks and dolls, picking up cats, and cat puke, doing the dishes/laundry/litter boxes, reading Dr. Seuss, watching sign language dvds, checking the news, writing to congress/the President/NY Times, signing petitions, breaking up cat fights, getting V down for a nap, trying to get her to eat something other than raisins, and occasionally crying.

And yet, I feel all the time as though I am not doing enough.  I know I'm not contributing the financial security of my household, but I am basically running the household, but that's not enough.

But V is silly a lot, and that brings smiles to my super tired face.

Bringing a baby doll, Sally Rag Doll and two satin drawstring bags, to bed.